Talk about it
Don’t be shy: speak up if you want more sex. Research from the Medical University of Vienna found while a hormone treatment improved the sexual experience for some women, a control group who received a placebo showed similar improvements. Why? Researchers suggest it has to do with better communication between partners. So if you’re not satisfied, share your feelings and watch your love life power up.
Draw the curtains
While embracing the moment can lead to great sex, taking a few minutes to create an environment that gets you in the mood can work wonders. “Atmosphere is so important to female desire,” says sex therapist and relationship coach Jacqueline Hellyer. “Make sure your bedroom is inviting. It needs to be a sanctuary, a safe, relaxing space.” Do whatever feels right to you: light a candle, make the bed with expensive sheets, lock the door…
Change positions
If aches and pains are messing with your evening (or morning!) plans, you might just need to move around. Try missionary to alleviate pressure on your knees and hips from arthritis (you can pop a pillow under your lower back for support) or perch on your partner’s lap, facing one another, to stay comfortable despite the dryness associated with menopause. As always, check in with a GP if pain continues.
Strike a (yoga) pose
Roll out your yoga mat - studies have found regular practice can increase arousal and desire in women. And you’ll likely feel more relaxed afterwards, which can only improve your bedroom time. Can’t quite nail a pose? Modify it, or look to aids such as blocks, bolsters and bands to help you really stretch out.
Nix your expectations
When you focus on how things ‘should be’, you stop yourself from enjoying what’s actually happening. “Let go of expectations and KPIs,” says Hellyer. “Sex is not about achieving anything, it’s about two people co-creating a mutual experience of love.” To sum up? Just have fun!
Don’t put a number on it
Do your best friend’s stories of steamy nights in with her hubby make you worry you’re not getting busy often enough? You shouldn’t! Every couple has their own happy frequency. In fact, one recent survey of 30,000 people suggests heterosexual couples that have sex once a week have the greatest sense of wellbeing. The takeaway? As long as you’re happy with how often you and your partner roll in the hay (or, more realistically, the bed sheets), that’s all that matters - and if not, talk about it!
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