Hands up if the most action your bed sees is the Saturday sheets change. Or maybe a Netflix binge? You've got to catch up on House of Cards, by the way... Apologies, back on topic. Specifically? Sex drive, and it's the female one making the headlines.
As we write this, the US Food and Drug Administration has approved the first drug to treat low sexual desire in women, albeit with warnings about side effects, including low blood pressure. Not all experts are sold, in part because desire is complex and often about much more than flicking a switch.
"There are so many factors that go into allowing ourselves to get aroused, from context to self-confidence and how responsive we feel," says Elaine George, founder and director of Sexology Australia. "Everyday worries and hormonal changes can all feed into an emotional roller-coaster that has a knock-on effect." The solution? She recommends mindfulness for reconnecting between the sheets. Get ready for a reboot.
Freshen up your fridge
So, here's the thing: the benefits of most 'aphrodisiac' foods are exaggerated, reveals accredited practising dietitian Dr Joanna McMillan. "Oysters are a rich source of zinc, which is linked to reproduction more than libido as it's essential for sperm production," she explains.
What's really important? Eating to feel good, both inside and out. "Diet can affect mood, which also impacts confidence," says McMillan. "People who eat well and are healthy tend to have a higher libido. It's about your long-term pattern."
Give your relationship TLC
Couple time. Two words we know you've heard before, but stay with us—prioritising it could help revive a tired libido. "Passion and desire changes over the course of a relationship. And while it may be less 'spontaneous combustion' now, other rewards come with the long term, such as emotional intimacy and knowing one another," explains George. "Making time to do activities together, even if it's not in the bedroom, is vital for fostering and maintaining this."
Work with your body
If you're going through menopause, or on the cusp of it, we'll hazard a guess vaginal dryness is already on your radar. "This affects most women, but doesn't have to put a handbrake on your sex life. It's about accommodating the phase your body's in right now," says George. "Options include plenty of water-based lubrication as well as over-the-counter products, HRT and hormone creams."
Book in a chat with your GP for advice or if you have any concerns.
Rediscover your O
Often the more we have sex, the more we want it... and so the cycle continues. Why? "A nice session can leave us thinking 'That was good, let's do it again', so our mindset becomes more positive," says George. "The bonding hormone oxytocin is also released when we orgasm."
But if you're not ready or have lost a sense of what turns you on, masturbation is a great way to get back in touch (pun totally intended) with your body. One potential option? Think about adding a vibrator to your bedside drawer. George recommends the discreet Natural Contours' Jolie or BonBon (both $66), as well as the We-Vibe ($159.95, all at naturalcontoursaustralia.com) for use as a couple (or on your own).
Switch up your repertoire
After years together, your bedroom behaviour can become as hardwired as your commute. You know he likes that position, he knows that angle works for you... Sound familiar? "Instead of seeing this as frustrating, utilise your knowledge to bring back the element of surprise," advises George. "Perhaps you could introduce a blindfold to reconnect with your senses. Keep it fun and playful."
That said, don't dismiss the routine, 'vanilla' sex you know so well. "It plays a fundamental role in intimacy, because you're focusing on connection rather than new techniques," says George. In short, cultivating a great sex life is all about balance and what you're comfortable with.
Newsletter
