Sometimes it's easier to give in to your excuses: 'I'm too tired', 'There's too much going on - let's just do it this weekend'. But we don't need to tell you that sex is essential for a healthy relationship - and a healthy you. Research shows that a happy sex life can stamp out stress, reduce heart-disease risk and improve immunity. But enough of the unsexy talk - just try one of these libido-lifting tricks today.
You can thank us later.
Take a lunchtime stroll
Research shows that the fitter you are, the more sex you'll crave. In a study of women aged 45 to 55, sexual satisfaction correlated directly to fitness. "The less exercise they got, the lower their desire and sexual satisfaction," says psychologist Dr Judith Gerber. Sydney-based clinical counsellor and sexologist Tanya Koens agrees: "Ramping up your exercise gives you an energy surge that you can put to good use."
Book a rub down
A pampering massage is a stress reliever and libido stoker. "The skin-on-skin contact stimulates the sex hormone oxytocin," says sex expert Dr Ian Kerner. "The more oxytocin released, the more desire a woman will feel." Koens recommends 'sensate focus', an exercise in which the couple touches each other without it leading to sex. "I recommend that for 20 minutes, three times a week, couples connect through massage and touch only.”
Read something hot
Skip the 7 o'clock news and flip through a sexy romance novel instead. Reading something racy is a good strategy for getting you in the mood, says psychologist Dr Janet Hall. If you're hesitant, Hall recommends starting slowly with something less overt. "Mills & Boon can be an effective introduction for women - why else do you think they sell so many copies? Women prefer the subtle approach."
Get really relaxed
Just a few meditation sessions can jack up your sex drive and speed arousal. Canadian researchers measured reactions among 24 women watching an erotic film, then again after the subjects had attended three mindfulness-meditation courses. Watching the same movie, the women were much more turned on than during the first viewing. "Mindfulness can directly change brain processing and allow women to experience arousal more acutely," says study co-author Dr Lori Brotto.
Put a stop to distractions
It's not just those endless to-do lists that make your mind wander in bed; you're wired that way. According to brain-scan research, women's brains are naturally more active than men's, even during sex. "For us, it's 75 per cent subjective,” says Koens. “We pay attention to what's going on around us. If your partner hints that he's in the mood, but you hear the kids screaming, you haven't done the washing and the bills are piling up, the chances for sex are slim!" According to Koens, the best ingredient for good sex is compromise. "Suggest to your partner that you do something else, such as just lie down together and stroke one another. Or decide that one or neither of you is going to climax. When too much is going on, some women find it's too much to have an orgasm."
Talk to your doc about testosterone
If your sex drive has cooled - thanks to hormones or surgery - a testosterone cream may help rekindle your fire. It's important for women, because the hormone holds significant sway over your sex drive. As we age, our bodies produce less of the chemical; it usually tapers off gradually before menopause. (Testosterone levels for women in their 40s are about half of those of women in their 20s). Try applying a testosterone cream to skin on your lower body daily. See your doctor first – a thorough consultation is the only way to determine whether product is right for you.
Break a sweat beforehand
Exercise primes your body to get in the mood. For some people, exercising too close to bedtime makes it hard for them to sleep. Take advantage of that newly found energy. "After 35 to 40 minutes of moderate exercise, everything in your body is going right," says psychologist Dr Janet Hyde. "Your blood is circulating and your nervous system is firing, so scheduling sex right after you exercise makes for good sex."
Scent your way to sex
These surprising smells will carry you from the kitchen to the bedroom.
Cucumber, licorice and baby powder have been shown to turn women on, increasing vaginal blood flow by 13 per cent. Lavender can also increase blood flow by 11 per cent. Try keeping a cucumber-scented sachet next to your pillow.
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