Whether you're starting again after a divorce, a relationship breakdown or are just ready to start seeing some new people, diving into the dating scene after an absence can be scary and intimidating.


But apart from all the recent technological advances such as dating apps and online dating, the rules haven't changed much - be yourself, play it safe and be honest and you can't go wrong! 


Here relationship expert Dr Gian Gonzaga shares his best tips for dating success.

Start with fun in mind

Dating lets you find out whether this person is someone you connect with. You don't have to turn the date into your new lifelong passion - it may not work out that way. But having a great time together lets you get to know each other in a positive context.

Don't fake it

Present yourself genuinely and be truthful. Trying to be someone you're not is unsustainable. You want your date to accept you for who you are.

Play things safe

Always agree to meet in a public place, such as at a cafe or an art gallery, rather have your date pick you up from home. And start with a limited-time meeting - like having a coffee or a quick drink after work. If the date goes really well - by all means, kick on, but setting it up as a short date gives both of you a built-in exit strategy. Also, make sure that somebody you trust knows where you are and check in with that person when your date is over (or let him or her know that you've decided to continue with the date).

Mind your business

Be reserved about the contact details you give out until you get to know a person better. And although you want to be genuine, set some boundaries about what you're going to reveal about yourself at this early stage. (For example, perhaps you'd rather keep ex-partners out of the conversation for the time being.)

Show your interest

You want to learn about each other's interests and lifestyle - topics that will help you find common ground and lots to talk about. When nervous, men have a tendency to go on about their accomplishments and possessions. You want to find out about parts of their life they really enjoy and whether those things hold some interest for you, too. Steer the conversation this way, and a man is more likely to show his curiosity about what makes you tick.

Don't take it to heart

If it doesn't work out, move on. It's not about you being the best woman around, a great catch or irresistible; it's about finding a real connection. So if the other person doesn't sense that chemistry, the relationship won't work anyway. Don't interpret it as rejection or as a reflection of your worth. Be glad to have met, and appreciate when you realise it's not right this time.

Take control

If, at the end of your date, you feel no sense of romantic possibility, be straightforward about it. If you know this relationship is not something you want to pursue, it's easier - and fairer - to say so. Women don't always recognise their ability to take control of a situation; they don't like to say no and potentially hurt someone.

But successful relationships need both people to be proactive rather than just let the situation happen to them. Experience counts. Like everything in life, practice is necessary, even in dating. Nobody magically knows how to handle love! Experience can help you have a better relationship the next time around. When a relationship ends, you have a better idea of what's important to you. Use this knowledge to avoid old pitfalls and make your next relationship better.

© Prevention Australia
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