Let's face it, as women we're pretty good at layering on the guilt when it comes to all the things we do, or don't do, or consider doing, or consider not doing, or…you see where this is going.
When it comes to beating ourselves up, we're total overachievers. And while we typically enjoy excelling (even though we feel guilty admitting that), we could do without this gold star. Here are 26 things experts say we should stop feeling guilty about ASAP.
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Having a house that isn’t magazine-worthy
Yes, it certainly should not look like a hoarder's place, but picture-perfect houses are not lived in. People should enjoy their house and their family and not worry if the house isn't immaculate. Kids pick up things and don't always put them back right away; so do adults. Your house should be a home - not a show place.
-Eileen Roth, organisation expert
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Saying no
Women don't want to let others down, but saying yes is not always being true to yourself and what you want. Say no and don't feel guilty about it.
-Elisabeth Manning, fertility expert
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Personal successes
Society emphasises that women should be team players and that wins are a team effort. If you achieve the goal alone, don't be afraid to say it.
-Avery Blank, leadership and career strategist
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Being the age you are
Lying about your age or trying to act or appear younger than you are is a huge waste of time and energy - energy that can easily be spent on better things like your friends, your family and life experiences.
- Psychologist Dr Patricia O'Gorman
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Putting yourself first
[description]Women often feel like they're the ones who have to do everything and everyone else should come first. However, don't forget about your own needs. If you don't, then pretty soon you end up being unable to do anything at all.
-Karen Dimmick, writer and author
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Not having a bikini body or wrinkle-free face
The wonders of cosmetic surgery and airbrushing have given women some pretty unrealistic ideas about the human body. If you're doing the best that you can in terms of healthy diet, exercise, and lifestyle habits, then there's no reason to punish yourself over having a body that looks lived in.
-Karen Southall Watts, educator and life coach
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Quitting a job that sucks
If you want to see a line of people ready to give you unsolicited advice just say, "I'm quitting my job." Just having a job isn't always enough. The wrong job, even in a bad economy when you need the money most, can be a soul-sucking torture that can actually make you sick. We usually know when it's time to get out, but our guilt over leaving the sure paycheck can be paralyzing. Don't internalise the struggle of every frustrated job seeker or the advice of every well-meaning friend. When you walk away from the wrong job, do so with self-assurance.
-Karen Southall Watts, educator and life coach
Photograph by Dina Alfasi / EyeEm / Getty Images
Taking a nightly bubble bath
It seems luxurious, decadent, and if you have young kids that are super needy at bedtime, it can seem selfish. But if taking a hot bath, going for a walk without the kids, or treating yourself to a gourmet coffee in the morning makes you happy, do it (without the guilt). We learn on airplanes to put our oxygen mask on first before helping others. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't be there for other people.
-Kimberly Hershenson, therapist
Photograph by Jamie Grill/Getty Images
Losing your temper
[description]Conflict is a natural part of human interaction, and injustice doesn’t go away on its own. Sometimes we need to get mad. However, if we've been conditioned to believe that our anger makes others uncomfortable, or that losing your temper marks you as hysterical, then we are missing out. Feeling guilty about losing your temper deprives you of the vital energy stored within anger. This energy is what changes policies, rights wrongs, and starts movements.
-Karen Southall Watts, educator and life coach
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Binging on TV and eating a box of chocolates
Whether it's sleeping in on the weekend, reading a fluffy novel, or watching a cartoon marathon with your kids, pleasure is important. Those moments of evening calm or afternoon delight are what makes life worth living, and you shouldn't feel guilty about pushing them to the top of the priority list. Always denying yourself fun or relaxation does not make you a better or more successful person. Put pleasure back on your to-do list without any shame or guilt.
-Karen Southall Watts, educator and life coach
Photograph by Indeed/Getty Image
Wanting more kids
You may live in a place where most people only have two and you want three or four (or more). Live your life and have the right number of kids for you.
-Elisabeth Manning, fertility expert
Photograph by Kazunori Nagashima/Getty Images
Not wanting any kids
Conversely, if you don't want any kids, don't let society make you feel bad or guilty about this. You know in your gut what's right for you.
-Elisabeth Manning, fertility expert
Photograph by PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images
Not orgasming
It happens. Your hormones, emotional state, medications, whatever the reason, there is no need to sink into feelings of inadequacy or offer up an apology to protect the feelings of others.
-Rhonda Milrad, social worker
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Spending money on your business
[description]Whether it's on marketing your product or paying someone to create a great website, your business is important and you shouldn't feel bad investing in it.
-Karen Dimmick, writer and author
Photograph by Yuri_Arcurs/Getty Images
Prioritising your career
If you choose to have a career over having a partner or family don't feel guilty. Some people are socialised to think that a woman's main job is to be a wife and mother. This does not ring true anymore. If you don't do what you want to do first, you will resent what is asked of you from others.
-Avery M. Blank, leadership and career strategist
Photograph by Vincent Starr Photography/Getty Images
Working with a personal trainer
It's a more efficient and effective use of your time, and well worth the money to learn proper movement mechanics. Your health is worth it.
-Janis Isaman, personal trainer
Photograph by Caroline Purser/Getty Images
Taking advantage of opportunities when they present themselves
Whether it is luck or luck combined with preparation, women must seize opportunities that can help them advance. You have worked hard. You are not a cheater. Take the boost. Remember: A man would take advantage of the opportunity. Why shouldn't you?
-Avery Blank, leadership and career strategist
Photograph by Caiaimage/Robert Daly/Getty Images
Setting boundaries with others
If you don't want to carpool with your neighbour or switch shifts with your co-worker, then don't do it. When we say yes and don't really mean it, we are left with guilt and resentment, which can lead to mental and physical issues such as depression, stomach problems, and migraines.
-Kimberly Hershenson, therapist
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Focusing on your partner and not the kids
Your marriage needs as much as attention as the kids, so date night is essential no matter how much the kids hate having you go out. If you're tight for cash, then do a date night in. Set the table, put out candles and have a delicious meal together. Turn off electronics and focus on conversation. Don't feel bad not spending the time with your kids (even if they whine that they want you to read another book). Relationship time is important.
-Kimberly Hershenson, therapist
Photograph by Jamie Grill/Getty Images
Wanting to make good money
[description]When a man wants a big paycheck he's ambitious. A woman longing to rake in riches is seen as something unnatural or weird. Where is her desire to give back? Volunteer? Be overly generous with her gifts? Payment for talent should be gender neutral. If you've got in-demand skills or a great new product idea then you deserve to profit—without guilt.
-Karen Southall Watts, educator and life coach
Photograph by KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty Images
Not wanting to have sex
There are just times when you don't feel like having sex and you can feel guilty and fearful saying no. Don't acquiesce if you really aren't into it and don't think that you can turn your disinterest around, because having disconnected sex is not a lot of fun. (Of course, sex can be a great way to boost your bond with your partner if you are in the mood.)
-Rhonda Milrad, social worker
Photograph by Caiaimage/Paul Viant/Getty Images
Booking childcare if you work from home
Women who work from home should stop feeling so guilty about seeking care assistance for family members. The assumption is that because the work-at-home mum remains in the home while working, she should, by default, also be responsible for tending to children during the day, and choosing to do otherwise somehow makes her a failure as a work-at-home mum. However, most telecommuting jobs require professionals to work from a distraction-free environment; therefore, women should be encouraged to, and not chastised for, seeking childcare for their kids.
-Laura Spawn, entrepreneur
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Dropping the kids off at the babysitter
Mums need a life, too, so stop feeling guilty about dropping the kids off at grandma's or a babysitter. A night out, book club, or hitting up yoga class. Mums need a break.
-Tara L Paige, business coach
Photograph by Keith Brofsky/Getty Images
Your family’s behaviour
[description]Be it your husband's affair or your child's outburst, you can't predict - or dictate - what others will do. So stop blaming yourself for it.
-Patricia O’Gorman, psychologist
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Limiting your child’s extra-curricular activities
As a busy mum, I can already see that football, gymnastics, piano, and karate can take over our lives. Yes, our children might want to participate in these activities, and yes, they do provide great skills. But so does playing with a LEGO set or just running around in the backyard. Whether you want to limit the activities for financial reasons or to give kids more downtime for their own good, you, as a mum, are the conductor of your family. Set the guidelines.
- Dr Sarah Philpott, educator and author
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Forgetting to buy your child’s teacher a gift
As a former teacher and best friend of current teachers, I can assure you that a gift is a welcome surprise, but is not necessary. Teachers do not expect parents to create handmade goodies from Pinterest, give them a gift card, or treat them to a bag of chocolates. The most touching gift a teacher receives are handwritten notes crafted by their students or a simple “thank you for being my child’s teacher” from you. Erase the guilt on this one.
-Dr Sarah Philpott, educator and author
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