Followers of self-confessed crap housewife Jessica Rowe’s Instagram page will be well acquainted with her irresistible sense of humour… And the long-suffering expressions of husband Peter Overton and daughters Allegra,16, and Giselle,13, as they get roped into the creation of elaborate Taco hats and lame jokes about strawberries. (“I’m serious, don’t post that… I’m just trying to help you!” drawls a teen voice in the background of a particularly cringey video. Reader, Jess posted it.) It was probably inevitable that the author, journalist, television presenter and host of podcast The Jess Rowe Big Talk Show would publish Mum Jokes, a collection of over 500 eye-rollers, out now.

“Laughter is the stuff of life,” says Jess. “I’m drawn to people who make me laugh. What I love about getting older is that I’m better at laughing at myself, as opposed to when I was in my 20s. Back then you’re more worried about what everybody else thinks of you, but the reality is that no one actually thinks about you - everyone’s too busy worrying about themselves!”

“Humour is a way of saying to the universe, screw it, I’m myself, I’m funny, I’m a woman.”

There’s something a bit subversive about the combination of humour and women, too, says Jess. “There’s this idea that women can’t be funny, but actually, I think we are the ultimate jokesters. Humour is a way of saying to the universe, screw it, I’m myself, I’m funny, I’m a woman. And this is my subversion of your preconceived ideas. It’s powerful: fully owning who you are.”

Jess has had more reasons than most to lean into the power of humour as a shield when life just won’t stop hurling lemons at you. She recollects growing up with a parent diagnosed with bipolar disorder in The Best of Times, The Worst of Times (2005), co-written with her mother, Penelope, and describes her own mental health battles during her tumultuous media career in her 2015 memoir, Is This My Beautiful Life? Her ‘otherness’ made Jess an easy target, and she was regularly publicly and professionally vilified for a host of so-called failings: too-short hair, a weird laugh, too much personality, too little professionalism or chemistry with a co-host… At one of her lowest points, Jess, who went through three emotionally gruelling attempts at IVF before finally falling pregnant, feared for the health of her unborn baby because of the stress caused by the controversy over her future with Channel Nine’s Today show. Then, she left her ill-fated job shortly after returning from maternity leave, under the murky mantle of ‘pay disputes’. Frankly, it was often a case of laugh, or you’ll cry.

“I’m definitely more unapologetic about who I am and where I am in my life these days,” says Jess. “I had this gradual realisation that there was no point blaming people for things that didn’t work. This was my life, and I could choose the work I wanted to do, who I wanted to work with, what friendships I didn’t want to pursue anymore. Of course, I don’t have all the answers, and there are still times when I struggle, or think that I didn’t handle something very well. But I believe that you just have to keep going. These days I make my choices based on what is going to bring me joy, and on what is right for me and my family.”

I used to be very single-minded about what a good life seemingly looked like, which I now know is all crap.

Jess remembers her time co-hosting Network 10’s morning show, Studio 10, as an opportunity to finally be herself. “I realised that I didn’t have to fit in a box, or label it. I could draw on different skills at different times, whether debating serious issues or having a laugh.” She describes her decision to leave Studio 10 in 2018 to pursue other things as “a risk”. “I was scared, thinking ‘what if I don’t get any work?’ But I was persistent, too. We have to back ourselves. Even if you haven’t done something before, if you’re given an opportunity, put your hand up. What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe it doesn’t work out the way you wanted, but at least you gave it a crack.”

Jess’s podcast, The Jess Rowe Big Talk Show, launched in August 2021. Her very first interview was with ex-Today co-host Karl Stefanovich - he of the ‘lack of chemistry’ notoriety - and their chat lead to an apology from Karl for not supporting her better when they were working together, and the purging of some painful memories. Since then she’s interviewed the likes of Sophie Monk, Poh Ling Yeow, Turia Pitt, Hugh Sheridan and Kyle Sandilands, tackling the topics of reinvention and wellbeing.

“It’s an enormous privilege that people trust me enough to open up to me. The fundamental thing I’ve learned is that we’re all just people, and that we’re all doing our best. And everyone has something to say!”

Mastering menopause

Jess turns 53 in June and is embracing the glamour and glitches of getting older - and not “giving a toss” in the process. She’s realised that “a career and life is never about climbing a ladder and breaking ceilings.” Rather, they’re about missteps and zigzagging as you take the brave, scary road to reinvention. “I’d say the biggest thing that’s changed in the last decade is that I’m far more open to what else I can do, rather than thinking ‘oh, no, I’ve got to stay in the lane my background dictates’.”

Another change is various limbs that are, perhaps, just a tad creakier. “My knees! They’re so annoying!” laughs Jess. “During the early stages of lockdown, I decided that I was going to do some dancing. I put on some music, and started going for it… On our slippery floorboards. I ended up at the orthopedic surgeon’s, and must admit that I kind of loved it when he said, ‘this is an injury that I usually see on 20-year-olds, but they get it on the dance floor in night clubs!’ That’s when I thought, oh dear…”

Jess describes HRT (hormone replacement therapy) as a “game changer” in navigating menopause - but it took a nudge from her mum to get her to deal with the symptoms…

“I remember a time when I was waking up at night, so hot. And I’m someone who runs cold, normally I’m freezing and layering up! I remember Petee going, oh my god, you’re lying on top of that doona, what’s going on?!” Jess struggled with ongoing brain fog and irritability. “I ignored it for a while, which was really dumb. Then I talked to my mum and she said, ‘go see your doctor, you don’t need to just keep putting up with it!’ I thought I was good at looking after myself, but I needed my mum to remind me to see a doctor. It’s about not ignoring what’s happening or thinking ‘oh, well, it’s just getting older’ - yes, it’s what happens to our bodies, but we don’t need to be suffering.”

Mind matters

Jess is a passionate advocate for mental health awareness: she’s been named a member of the Order of Australia for her work, and is an ambassador for Beyond Blue. She documented her battle with severe postnatal depression after the birth of her first child in her memoir, and has received therapy for clinical depression, anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Asking for help, she says, is one of the bravest and best things you can ever do.

When you have a mental illness, you can't keep on keeping on.

“I didn't look after my mental health enough when I was younger, and that came to a head when I had postnatal depression. Up until that point, I felt - incorrectly - that being strong was about not asking for help, and just pushing through. Until that became impossible. When you have a mental illness, you can’t keep on keeping on. It’s not just about having ‘character’ and all this other nonsense that you might tell yourself. I used to be very single-minded about success and how you measured it, and what having a good life seemingly looked like, which I now know is all crap. But when you put all that expectation and pressure on yourself, it can be hard to take a step back and go, actually, I’m not in a good place. I can’t do this on my own. I need to ask someone to help me.”

It was a terrible time in her life, but also an “extraordinary” time, because it was the start of Jess understanding who she was, and being gentler on herself. “I’m still a work in progress. There are moments when I’ll catch myself and think, ‘No, stop having this negative soundtrack in your head that you’d never use when talking to someone you love!’”

Jess is open about still taking antidepressants. “I talk about all this because it is so important that we destigmatise it. It’s realising that ‘I’m capable, I can do all this in my life. But what helps me do it is my medication, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise’. Pretending not only does you a disservice, but other people, too, who are wondering: ‘Why does everyone else seem to know what they’re doing and have it together?!’ No, none of us do. We all need help sometimes.”

Hand-me-down values

Jess has passed her tendency to speak her mind on to her daughters, who’ll jump into family debates about everything from musician Kanye West’s damaging anti-semitism (“There’s a total Kanye ban at home, we just won’t listen to him!”), to calling out their mum about her own opinions. “Giselle is my eco-warrior, and Allegra has stood up to people who are unkind since she was a little girl. They just blow me away: they stand for something, and I’m very proud of that. They’ll make me think about things, too, point stuff out that I might not realise wasn’t okay to do or say. They’re so grown up! If anyone’s mean to them, I’ll be seething, and they’ll say, ‘mum, you need to stop giving those people death stares, because we’ve moved on!’ My daughters, telling me to be more mature!”

Being brave is about being afraid - and doing it anyway.

Which, of course, Jess often just ignores - it’s way more fun to craft a “fabulously sparkly” ‘Müber’ (Mum Uber) hat to wear while driving your kids and their friends around than it is to play it staid. (“It cracks me up! If we’re going to spend hours in traffic, I may as well find something fun for myself to do!”) Jess keeps the love and laughter alive by making time for her family, no matter what shape that takes. “It’s not about grand gestures. I’ve found that simply being around and in the moment, putting my phone down and talking to my kids and my husband and realising, ‘yes, they actually need me now’ is so important.”

A brave heart

Jess does things on her own terms. She’s proudly ‘too much’, thumbing her nose at the cloak of invisibility that so often seems to settle over women in midlife. It’s an ongoing process, though.

“It’s about finding where the unexpected joy can lie in my daily choices, and not leading a ‘safe’ life. By this I mean realising that you don’t have to be quiet and predictable if you don’t want to. I love being more unpredictable as I get older. It cracks me up, and it cracks up my closest mates, too! It’s hard-earned and not always easy, though, embracing yourself and the many ways in which you might be different. It takes work and being conscious about your choices. But like I say to my daughters: you’ve got to be brave, and being brave is about still being afraid, but doing it anyway.”

Quick six for Jess

Dream award-show dress designer?

I’d have to say Romance Was Born: the most incredible Aussie duo. There’s going to be sequins, there’s going to be feathers, there must be colour!

A song that teenage Jess loved?

Oooh, Tainted Love by Soft Cell! And when feeling grungy, The Cure. I adore their song Love Cats: you know, since I’m a crazy cat lady!

The biggest surprise of ageing?

That I love getting older, because I care less about what people think. And that is so empowering.

Go-to workout routine?

A sesh of pilates alongside one of my best friends, and after we have a catch-up coffee, chat and laugh.

If you could interview anyone in the world…

So many people! I think Drew Barrymore is just sensational, an incredible actor and businesswoman.

Something that joining TikTok has taught you?

That I’m probably the world's most embarrassing mum, and there’s nothing wrong with that! I think parents are almost duty bound to embarrass our kids.