How to Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible

No heads in the sand here, we know forgiving someone is tough. But navigating the bumpy path to forgiveness is worth it. It can lead to a healthier, happier you, and also preserve or strengthen the relationships that matter most.

“Forgiveness is liberating and frees up real estate in your mind and body,” says psychologist Simira Freeman. “When we feel we’ve been wronged, it can cause stress and emotional dysregulation. Making a conscious decision to forgive a transgression can be a chance to positively reframe and release negative feelings.”

Forgiveness helps prevent resentment, a mindset that can be harmful if left to linger, from taking root. It also helps us better navigate future conflicts.

“When we learn how to forgive, we feel more grounded and stable. Other people’s behaviours have less power over us because we have a practice that sustains us as we weather a storm,” explains licensed professional counselor Robyn Martin.

Not to mention, holding on to grudges is exhausting.

Here’s how relationship experts say you can tap into your sneakiest superpower, the power to forgive, to become your healthiest self.

Week 1: Feel all the feels

Tapping into emotions you’re trying to release may sound counterintuitive, but it’s a crucial part of processing what happened so you can genuinely move forward.

“Acknowledge the hurt and its impact on you. We can’t forgive what we don’t acknowledge,” says Martin.

Spend time reflecting on these three key areas:

• What emotions are coming up? Do you feel angry, betrayed, shocked, sad or disappointed?
• Notice the difference between what you feel and what you think you should feel. This isn’t about outside opinions, it’s about your experience. Taking stock of your true emotions can help you untangle what’s happening internally and work out if you’re ready to forgive.
• Get clear on why you want to forgive. Freeman suggests thinking deeply about your motivation. Are you doing it to heal and move on, or are you hoping to influence someone else’s behaviour? For forgiveness to be empowering, it needs to be for you.

Week 2: Assess your needs

Getting clear on what you need in order to forgive and how you want the relationship to look going forward can make the process feel more manageable.

Take some time to reflect. Do you need more information or more space before you’re ready to forgive? Would setting firmer boundaries help prevent something similar in the future? Maybe you need a pause to let things settle, or perhaps you feel ready to move on with a fresh perspective.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach here. Let the specific circumstances and your own values guide you. Spend a few days sitting with your thoughts and emotions. Then take time to jot down what would help you move towards forgiveness and what you’d like from the relationship going forward.

“Do this on your own timeline, don’t rush it,” says Martin. “If you move too fast, it can feel forced or fail to bring the relief you’re seeking.”

Week 3: Time to forgive

Now comes the big moment. Whether or not you choose to continue the relationship with the person you’re forgiving, these tips can help you navigate common scenarios with clarity and care.

If the person is eager to be forgiven, they may lead with an apology. Listen to what they say. If it feels sincere and resonates with you, it could be a sign that you’re ready to forgive. Before wrapping up the conversation, clarify where things stand and what you both need going forward.

If the person doesn’t realise how deeply they’ve hurt you, be respectful but clear. Explain how their actions made you feel or how they affected your wellbeing , perhaps you lost sleep or struggled with stress. Let them respond, and aim to keep the conversation grounded in mutual respect. That includes paying attention to your tone, facial expressions and reactions.

“Going one-up to grab power back is never the right approach,” says licensed professional counselor Michelle Mays. “The practice of forgiveness asks us to resist those impulses so we don’t lose sight of each other’s humanity.”

If you don’t feel a conversation is needed, that’s OK too. You might be holding on to resentment from a past event, like a difficult moment in childhood, and feel ready to release it without speaking directly to the person involved. A silent, internal decision to forgive can still be powerful.

And remember: forgiveness doesn’t always feel like a light switch. You may not feel immediate peace, and some frustration or sadness may still linger. That’s normal. “In those moments, give yourself grace and know that you can always forgive more than once,” says Freeman.