“I need to send that email to my boss. Have the kids packed their water bottles today? I wonder if my dad booked that appointment yet. I really should see the dentist, my tooth is still hurting. I don’t have time to do washing today, and I’m pretty sure the whole family is about to run out of underwear. And bread.”
Sound familiar? Most women have an endless to-do list running through their heads, and some our stress levels can rise a little bit each time it comes to mind.
In fact, 19% of women experienced a high levels of psychological distress, compared to 12% of men, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics study.
What is the mental load?
There are many factors impacting women’s mental health, including society pressures, financial stress, health challenges, family and sexual violence, and heavy caring responsibilities. Women not only do the bulk of household and caring tasks, we’re also the ones who have to plan and organise everything, called the mental load. This can impact our mental health, too, says clinical psychologist and author Dr Monica Vermani.
“The realities of juggling heavy workloads along with the day-to-day tasks and mental load of planning meals, taking care of the emotional needs and social schedules of our families often leave us stressed, overwhelmed and drained,” she says.
What are the impacts of stress?
Dr Vermani has an interesting way of defining stress.
“Stress is what we experience when our activity levels (physical and mental activity) surpass our energy levels. Inevitably, with all we take on, at times our activity levels surpass our energy levels. When this happens, we have two choices: we can either decrease or abandon our responsibilities or increase our energy levels.”
Stress impacts both your mind and your body, says Dr Vermani.
“Prolonged or chronic stress and burnout contribute to a long list of health problems, including high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, insomnia, headaches, muscle tension and gastro-intestinal upset. It also impacts mood, causing anxiety, panic attacks, lack of motivation, an inability to focus and concentrate, anger, sadness and depression.”
So, how can we manage stress and forge a healthier way forward?
Managing stress
One of the best ways to manage stress is to look after ourselves, says Dr Vermani.
“As mere mortals we have just four sources of energy: the food we eat, sleep, our breath, exercise and maintaining a calm state of mind. Quality self-care is all about maximising these four energy sources. Maximising these energy levels is all about bringing in — and sticking to — quality self-care practices and routines, especially when the going gets tough.”
Many Australians are good at strategies to manage their mental health, increasing their levels of exercise, practicing thinking positively and doing more of what they enjoy.
Here are six ways to help manage stress caused by the mental load.
1. Eat well
When you’re stressed you may crave comfort foods, but these high-fat foods actually fuel stress an anxiety, according to new research. High-fibre foods like legumes, fruit and vegetables and wholegrains, have the potential to improve your risk of mental health problems, according to Deakin University. The Mediterranean diet, which emphasises plant-based dishes, may even improve the symptoms of depression, reports Harvard Health.
“Fuelling your body with nutrient-rich foods maximises your energy levels throughout the day,” says Dr Vermani.
2. Make time for sleep
“Often the last thing on our to-do list, quality sleep is crucial to helping raise our energy levels and sustaining our day-to-day activities,"says Dr Vermani. "It’s here that we rejuvenate, replenish, and repair our bodies after the wear and tear of the day, rebuild and recharge our immune systems and white blood cells, and tackle infections." And less sickness is something we can all get on board with.
3. Breathe deeply
When you’re stress you’re likely taking short and shallow breaths without even realising it. But deep breathing can help you manage stress.
“Throughout your day, breathe deeply to relax and rejuvenate. Take a moment and pay attention to your breath. You will feel your stress level plummet,” says Dr Vermani.
4. Do something you love
Although it’s hard to fit in, try and do something you love regularly. This could be as simple as a lunchtime walk or sitting with a cup of tea.
“Engaging in something that brings you joy can produce immeasurable benefits. In a calm state of mind, you can connect to your authentic self, to your strengths, and bring a sense of compassion for yourself around the things that are weighing heavily on your mind. And you can plant a seed of hope for good in your life,” says Dr Vermani.
5. Say no
Setting firm boundaries helps protect your time and energy. You can’t do everything and you need to save some time and energy for yourself to manage stress and burnout.
“Set, communicate, and enforce healthy boundaries around our time and energy. Get comfortable saying no if taking on additional responsibilities and tasks will leave you feeling depleted and defeated,” says Dr Vermani.
Podcast host Maggie Dent spoke to the ABC about simply removing non-essential tasks from her week. Number one: no more folding laundry.
"From then on, I just threw the clean washing on a spare bed and told [the family] they had to find their own clothes — it became a lucky dip bed.
"I found I was able to do the thing that really nurtured me, and that was make a cup of tea and sit down with my dogs in the garden."
6. Have honest conversations
If you’re in a relationship and carrying most of the mental load, you might want to sit down and have an honest but calm chat about how you feel. You may even want to make a big list of all household tasks and talk about if they are split evenly (chances are they aren’t). You can get a list of common household tasks from the Fair Play website.
Think about tasks end to end - it's not just about who takes the kids on a playdate, it's about who sets the playdate up. It's not just about who cooks the dinner, it's about who plans it and gets the groceries for it.
If your budget allows, outsource tasks like mowing the lawn or some of the cleaning.
If you feel like stress, the mental load or burnout is impacting your life, reach out for help. Speak to your GP about talking to a psychologist or call Lifeline any time on 13 11 14.
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