We bet Marie Kondo giving up on a tidy home wasn't on your bingo card for this year. The queen of clean recently admitted that her home is no longer the pristine palace it once was, due to the addition of two little girls to her family. But is she bothered by that? Not at all!
"I have kind of given up on [tidying up], in a good way. Now I realise what is important to me is enjoying spending time with my children at home," Kondo explains to the Washington Post. “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time and at this stage of my life,” she adds. (We think mothers everywhere can relate!)
So, if baskets full of dirty clothes, a floor in need of a sweep and a shambolic post-baking kitchen are weighing you down, we suggest breathing out, and repeating after us... The age of perfectionism is over! Here's how to stop being so hard on yourself.
What Is Perfectionism?
According to the Centre for Clinical Interventions, perfectionism is when we set super high standards for ourselves or others and judge our self-worth based on our ability to reach these unrealistic expectations. We can be perfectionists in one or many areas of our lives, such as at work, at home, our personal routines or even in our relationships.
You might be a perfectionist if you:
- struggle to make snappy decisions,
- seek reassurance often,
- check things excessively,
- give up way too easily, and — everyone's vice when there's work to be done,
- procrastinate.
Ways To Become An Im-perfectionist
Pick your priorities
Setting realistic goals can make life seem less overwhelming and give you something to work towards. We don't necessarily mean make a to-do list, though. According to Lifehacker, the 80/20 rule refers to the idea that 20% of your effort can produce 80% of your results. To put this into practice, write down 20% of the tasks on your list that are the most important. For example, if you have 25 tasks for the day, choose your top 5 to focus on.
Another strategy can be sorting through the "must-haves" and "good to haves". Is this task you're writing on your list essential? If not, is it worth putting on your list at all? Try to limit yourself to three to five "must-haves" and then tackle your "good to haves" if you have some time and energy after you've completed your list.
Alter your focus
Being present can do wonders for your mental health in many ways. In terms of fighting perfectionism, this means enjoying the progress of what you are doing rather than focusing on your result. If you're making a cake for your niece's birthday, take some time to enjoy each step of the baking process by taking in the scents of your ingredients and having some fun with the overall flavour and design. The end product doesn't really matter, it's whether you had a good time making it.
Thinking about what Kondo said, you can also consider what you'd like the core focus of your life to be. Is it your relationship with your family? If yes, work at building deeper connections full of trust and allow those in your life to see your imperfections, for example. (And remember: you can change your focus depending on where you're at in your life and what you need most.)
Practice self-compassion
You are 'good enough', so tell yourself that. This is the key to practicing self-compassion. If you don't get something 'right' the first time, remind your inner critic that it's okay to make mistakes. Imagine if a loved one was in your position — what would you say or do for them if they were feeling low? A kind word can go a long way.
For example, if you are moving to a new home and the task of spring cleaning and packing feels daunting, remind yourself that you are more than capable of getting the job done. Focus on the fun bits, like the memories you'll be rediscovering as you dig up photos and mementos from the past along the way. Get the whole family involved and relive your best moments together!
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