The COVID-19 pandemic has turned the dating scene on its head. Within the space of a few weeks, drinks, dinner and dates were out (not to mention sex afterwards) and phone calls in your pyjamas and socially distanced meet-ups were in – with varying degrees of success. After all, it’s not easy to build intimacy when you’re two metres apart, not able to shake hands and wearing a mask.
When I asked a few single friends how they’d found dating during lockdown, the responses were mixed. To my surprise, some were positive: “For once, I had time for dating apps,” said one. “Cutting out the ability to meet up took away any pressure and made it more fun,” said another. “I found that I had more luck than normal,” a third told me, “and, for the first time in years, I’ve found someone I have a real connection with.”
Others found it difficult, citing everything from sexual frustration to the awkward nature of video calls as their biggest issues. “Apart from anything else, I think even Scarlett Johansson would struggle to look good on a video call,” one colleague quipped.
“Pre-lockdown, dating was based mainly on sexual chemistry and immediate intimacy,” says relationship counsellor Anshu Rastogi. “But that quickly shifted to virtual connections. For the more sexually confident, it worked; for others, less so.”
Sex aside, there was a whole new set of emotional dynamics to negotiate. "We are so out of practice at the art of building chemistry through simply getting to know someone (by communicating verbally)," says relationships historian and commentator Dr Zoe Strimpel. The pandemic has taught us that slowing things right down can be a turn-on, too. Meanwhile, ‘video vetting’ – arranging a Zoom date before a real one to see whether the person is worth meeting – has become so popular, it looks like it’s here to stay.
As the world slowly reopens, new hurdles and anxieties will begin to emerge. Do we hug, stay two metres apart or wear a mask on a first date? Will pubs be safe, or should we meet in a park or open space? “Depending on personality and experiences, this could leave some single people more wary of dating right now,” says Rastogi. “So be patient with yourself and others.”
Being forced to find love in lockdown has certainly taught us something. Whether it was the need to communicate more clearly, find intimacy in creative ways or just be open to new experiences and people, many single women feel they’re now better equipped to approach love and sex in the future. As Rastogi puts it: “In-person dating could become everything you’ve ever hoped for, if you build on the strong communication values forged by our new socially distanced world.”
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