Emotions can feel like a rollercoaster after experiencing a loss. Whether you’re grieving the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a dream job or processing a health diagnosis, managing grief—and the emotions that come with it—is rarely straightforward. Some people experience overwhelming sadness, while others may feel emotionally numb.
Although grief looks different for everyone, many people and mental health professionals refer to the five stages of grief as a framework for navigating the emotional impact of loss.
This model often resonates with those going through painful or life-altering experiences, but experts stress that grief is deeply personal. “It’s important to recognise that grief is one of our hardest burdens in this life,” says licensed mental health counsellor Jor-El Caraballo. “Treat yourself with care and kindness as you make your way through this difficult time.”
Grief isn’t limited to mourning the death of a loved one. “We used to think grief only applied to death, but many of us go through a similar emotional process after a breakup or major life change,” says Caraballo. “Using the five stages model can help you respond to those shifts with more self-compassion.”
Clinical psychologist Geri-Lynn Utter explains that these stages can also reflect the emotional journey of someone facing a terminal illness as they grieve their own life. The model may also help people understand emotions following infidelity, job loss or traumatic events.
What are the 5 stages of grief?
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model, first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, outlines a common emotional response to loss. Each stage is marked by different feelings, thought patterns and behaviours. While many people aim to reach acceptance, the process is rarely linear.
Rather than a step-by-step checklist, the stages serve as a guide to help people better understand their own reactions to grief—and to know they’re not alone in experiencing them.
“The five stages of grief can also help point people towards acceptance,” says clinical psychologist Sari Chait. “It’s important to acknowledge that losing someone is difficult, and it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions. Many people want to numb their pain or hide from it, but grief doesn’t go away just because we try to avoid it. The key is to recognise what you’re feeling and let yourself feel it.”
Each stage of grief brings its own challenges. Understanding them doesn’t make the process easy—but it can make it feel less isolating. Below, we break down what each stage may look like and how to navigate the emotions that come with it.
The 5 stages of grief in order
1. Denial
Denial often occurs immediately after a loss. If someone is grieving the death of a loved one, they may feel numb or in disbelief. “Many people will cling to a sliver of hope that there’s been a mistake and the person they lost isn’t really gone,” says Chait. “Sometimes, this stage can actually be protective—it helps someone in shock avoid being overwhelmed when they don’t yet have the resources to process strong emotions.”
Utter notes that people who receive a difficult medical diagnosis can also experience denial. In these cases, it may present as disbelief in the results. “You turn to the experts, the people caring for you and you question them,” she says. “You’re hoping they’ll tell you there’s been a mistake.”
How to get through this stage
Utter says denial is usually a shorter phase compared to the others. It’s often the first emotional shield that begins to crack quickly. “In my clinical opinion, the denial stage tends to move swiftly into the next stage, which is often anger,” she says. Accepting what has happened doesn’t mean being okay with it—it simply means acknowledging the reality of the loss.
2. Anger
“Anger often shows up as people start to confront the reality of their loss,” says Caraballo. “They might be angry at a higher power, at the person who left them, or even at themselves.” This anger can come from a deep sense of injustice or helplessness.
Both Chait and Utter agree that the anger stage is often rooted in the feeling that life is unfair. You might find yourself asking, “Why me?” or thinking about others who, in your view, didn’t deserve a better outcome. If you’re grieving a breakup, you may direct anger toward your ex or feel frustrated with yourself.
“You start to think, ‘I know so many people who are awful that live until they’re 90—so why is this happening to me?’” Utter explains. “It can be a painful realisation that your time—or someone else’s—is being cut short.”
How to get through this stage
If you’re angry after a breakup or job loss, it may help to explore the possibility of forgiveness. Forgiving someone who hurt you, even without an apology, can bring peace of mind and help you stop replaying the pain. If the anger is directed inward, practising self-compassion and understanding your emotions rather than suppressing them may help release some of the tension.
3. Bargaining
According to Chait, the bargaining stage often reflects a search for hope that the loss could somehow be undone. “This is the stage where people may try to negotiate with a spiritual force or make promises about how they’ll live their life differently—if only things can go back to how they were,” she says.
This stage can stir up feelings of regret, guilt and self-blame. “It might sound like, ‘They’d still be here if I’d just checked in one more time,’” says Caraballo. This inner negotiation often plays out silently and can be emotionally draining.
It’s also common to move back and forth between this and the anger stage. “You can feel furious one minute, and then the next you’re bargaining—making promises, hoping things will change,” says Utter.
How to get through this stage
Whether you’re feeling guilty about time not spent, habits that contributed to illness or a relationship that ended badly, the way forward is through self-forgiveness. You can’t go back and undo the past—but you can choose to grow from it. Learning to let go of regret and embrace lessons learned is key to healing.
4. Depression
For many, depression is the most emotionally painful stage. “This is when grief brings on deep sadness, withdrawal from others, disinterest in hobbies and sometimes emotional numbness,” says Chait.
While anger can feel more active and bargaining offers a (false) sense of control, depression settles in when the full weight of the loss is felt. “It can hit when someone reaches for the phone to call a loved one and realises they no longer can,” Caraballo explains. “It’s the heaviness that follows the recognition that something truly has changed.”
How to get through this stage
“If someone is struggling to re-engage with everyday life or is overwhelmed by the emotional toll of grief, therapy can make a real difference,” says Chait.
You don’t have to go through it alone. A good therapist, supportive friends or family, peer support groups or, in some cases, medication can help manage depression. Even making small, joyful plans—like brunch with a friend or booking a concert—can offer a lift.
Grieving takes time. Be gentle with yourself. “Living without someone we love is some of the hardest work we’ll ever do,” says Caraballo. “It takes time and grace, no matter what stage you’re in.”
5. Acceptance
The final stage of grief, acceptance, looks different for everyone. It’s about coming to terms with the loss and learning to live with it—not moving on from it. “Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re no longer sad or that you’ve stopped missing the person,” says Chait. “It means you’ve found a way to hold that grief and still be engaged in your life.”
You might still cycle back through other stages occasionally, but reaching this point suggests a readiness to move forward with a renewed sense of balance.
How can I get to a place of acceptance?
Don’t rush yourself. Finding peace with loss takes time. Grief counselling and bereavement groups can help you process your experience and feel less alone. “Grief may not get smaller, but life can grow around it,” says Chait.
“In acceptance and commitment therapy, which I practise, we help people learn how to hold difficult feelings while continuing to live meaningfully,” she explains. “Acceptance doesn’t mean you’ve stopped grieving—it means you’ve learned to make space for it, alongside everything else you feel.”
Utter adds that people facing terminal illness may express acceptance in practical, loving ways—like recording messages for their family. “It’s heartbreaking,” she says, “but they’re leaving behind something meaningful—advice, memories, love.”
How long do the 5 stages of grief take?
There’s no set timeline for grief, and no “right” way to move through the five stages. “It used to be believed that people should stop grieving after a certain amount of time—and if they didn’t, it meant they were experiencing depression,” says Chait. “Thankfully, our understanding has evolved. We now recognise that grief can last longer for some people or in certain situations.”
Caraballo and Utter agree that the grieving process is deeply personal. “There’s no set time for working through these stages or emotional states,” says Caraballo. “It’s also important to know that we might revisit stages more than once or experience them out of order.”
Can you move backward?
Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. “Clients I’ve worked with often find it more helpful to think of the stages as emotional states rather than a strict order,” says Caraballo. “Grieving is a dynamic and ever-shifting process—it’s how we begin to live with great loss.”
Chait adds that not everyone will go through all five stages—or in the same way. “Many people do experience some or all of these emotions, but how they show up and how each person moves through them will vary,” she says.
Additional stages of grief
While the five-stage model is widely known, grief doesn’t always fit neatly into categories. “One other stage I’ve come across in my work is ‘hope,’” says Caraballo. “Grief may never fully go away, but it evolves—and can shift into something more hopeful. Over time, people can feel peace again and even joy.”
Getting Help
Some losses are simply too heavy to carry on your own. If you’re struggling with grief or your mental health, seeking support can be a powerful step. You might explore therapy, use a mental health app or lean on trusted friends and family.
A psychologist, counsellor or peer support group can help you make sense of the emotional highs and lows that often follow loss. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, speak to a healthcare provider who may recommend therapy, medication or a combination of both.
Newsletter
