Being in a relationship means relying on each other on some level, but some couples can take it to an extreme level and end up being what’s known as codependent.

“A codependent relationship is unhealthy because instead of both people taking responsibility for their own feelings and actions, one partner is taking on those responsibilities for the other,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Lesli Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage.

When you’re in a codependent relationship, your identity is so enmeshed with that of your partner that you have trouble even knowing who you are without them, she explains. And while it can seem like you’re incredibly intimate with your significant other when you’re codependent, you’re actually not, says relationship psychologist Karin Anderson.

“True intimacy necessitates two independent, fully-formed people choosing to be together as opposed to needing each other to fill some emotional void or to have a purpose in life,” she says.

Basically, this is not a relationship style you want to be a part of. Here’s how to tell if you’re in a codependent relationship without even realising it.