Whether it’s laughing with your family or being engrossed in a great book, happiness often comes in small packages. We all know that it’s these lovely moments – rather than the big milestones – that make up a joyful life. But when the car has broken down, your dog has made a mess and it feels like everything is going wrong, it’s easy to get bogged down in the negative and forget about all the good times.
Sadly, this is completely normal. ‘Human brains have a negativity bias,’ says positive psychologist Miriam Akhtar. ‘Being able to notice danger is essential to our survival, so we tend to notice what’s wrong before what’s good.’ This ‘negativity bias’ blocks us from living fulfilling, happy lives – but we can do something about it. Instead of waiting for joy to arrive on our doorsteps, we can play an active role in creating happiness wherever we can.
Not sure how? We asked the experts for their tips on being happier every day.
Give a cuddle
‘The skin is the body’s largest organ, so it’s no surprise that we can be significantly affected by touch (or lack of it). Affectionate physical contact, like holding hands or hugging, can lower reactivity to stressful life events and help improve cardiovascular health.’ - Deborah Smith, positive psychologist
Amp up your ‘Thank yous’
‘Express gratitude to other people when they do something lovely for you. But rather than simply saying ‘thank you’, explain how it made you feel when they did it, and acknowledge what it took them to do it. This means the appreciation goes both ways, and will help strengthen your connections.’ - Deborah Smith, positive psychologist
Text your family
‘Although we wish our loved ones to be happy and healthy, we often do not express it, assuming they know how we feel. However, we all live busy lives, and you – like me – may find yourself sometimes wondering when you last said the words “I love you” to them. Say it – or text it – today, and as much as you can after that.’ - Haemin Sunim, Zen Buddhist teacher
Interview your nearest and dearest
‘Even if you think you know everything about your loved ones, come up with a list of questions and sit down to interview each other. Ask about their favourite game as a child, or their most treasured memories, hopes and dreams. These kinds of deep conversations spark new connections and enhance bonds.’ - Vanessa King, positive psychology expert
Find your strengths
‘Understanding our talents and abilities is so important for our sense of purpose, which – in turn – leads to greater happiness. Take a strength survey, like the one on viasurvey.org, or try to spot your own talents. What comes naturally? What do people always say about you? There are character strengths (like being loyal or friendly) and talents (such as running or writing). Once you’ve identified them, try to draw on them every day.’ - Miriam Akhtar, author of The Little Book Of Happiness: Simple Practices For A Good Life
Choose your words wisely
‘The language you use is crucial for maintaining a happy existence. Think about how it makes you feel when you say the words “happiness”, “joy” or “excitement” – you can notice it, right? Try using more of these positive words. Also be mindful of using words like “but”, which can block the energy around what you’re saying, and “just”, which can belittle what you’re describing.’ - Jody Shield, author of LifeTonic: Power Up Your Brightest, Boldest, Happiest You.
Harness Your Creativity
‘Learning new things, such as creative skills, has been shown to increase happiness – it can give you a sense of purpose, lead to greater satisfaction and it’s a way of making connections with others. Finding something new that interests us can be energising, too. Step outside your comfort zone and try something new – maybe a pottery class. Don’t pressure yourself to master it right away. Try saying to yourself, “I can’t yet” in place of “I can’t”.’ - Vanessa King, positive psychology expert
Seek out the good stuff
‘Gratitude is important. Train your brain for gratitude by hunting for at least three good things, even when you’re in a frustrating situation. For example, you’re waiting in a long queue but the sun is shining, you love the new dress you’re wearing and your favourite song is blasting through your headphones. You can practise this in any situation to boost your mood – and you’ll be less aware of minor frustrations in future.’ Miriam Akhtar
Be your own best friend
‘When things go wrong, we tend to be overly critical of ourselves. So, make a list of the negative messages you’re telling yourself. Next, make a list of 10 positive messages to yourself. Imagine you’re speaking to one of your closest friends and consider the positive support you would offer without hesitation. Read them aloud and become your own reassuring friend.’ - Charlotte Fox Weber, head of psychotherapy at The School of Life
Go on a colour journey
‘When out running errands, give yourself a theme to look out for – I normally pick a colour. Say you’re looking for red: as you travel, look around and notice all the things in that colour. Perhaps it’s flowers in a front garden, a dog’s lead or a passerby’s floaty skirt. All too often, we walk through life with our minds crowded with worries and don’t look up to appreciate our surroundings. Doing so allows us to be more present, and it’s an excellent distraction from ruminating on negative thoughts.’ - Vanessa King, positive psychology expert
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