Be honest, do you think you're a good friend? What little gestures do you expect from your closest buddies? Our friendships may start to dwindle as we get older, but it's the ones we value most that survive. Just like how most plants needs sunlight and water to thrive, it takes work to nourish the friendships that you hold close to your heart. So how do you take care of these strong friendships to ensure they stay that way? Here are some tips to help you become a better pal.
1. Find the time
Build a get-together into your schedule (join a committee or attend weekly yoga together), so you see each other regularly. "Then after class, get a smoothie or tea to spend quality time talking and sharing," says friendship and healthy relationships expert Shasta Nelson. Most women consider someone a friend after six to eight interactions — about two months into the weekly fitness routine.
2. Pump up the positive
Vent sessions and heart-to-hearts are healthy, but in moderation. Compliment your friend on an accomplishment, try something new together, and take photos. "Powerhouse female friendships are relationships where women are cheering, supporting and both publicly and privately affirming each other," Nelson says.
3. Use (don't abuse) social media
Liking a pal's post or leaving her a quick note is a great way to remind a friend you're thinking of her, but don't let your thumbs-up replace meeting up. "Face to face is a conversation, whereas social media is two separate people talking at each other. You can't ask questions, hold hands, or give high fives online," Nelson says.
4. Go above and beyond
Facebook reminders make it so easy to wish someone a happy birthday or congrats on an engagement — "but it's ease diminishes the value," says sociologist and friendship expert Dr Jan Yager. Take the time to distinguish yourself from the other hundreds of quick posts by surprising your friend with a call or sweet card, too.
5. Phone a friend
If you can't see your gal pal as often as you used to, aim to call her at least once a month. The more time that passes, the less likely you are to call. "It may take an hour or more to catch up, and you'll say 'I don't have time to do that now,'" Nelson says. "You can't tell a friend about what your horrible boss said because you'd need to also catch her up on other life happenings first." Stick to shorter and more frequent phone calls or Skype dates, and think about picking a recurring time that's convenient for you both.
6. Really listen
You might think you are listening, but are you actively listening? "Don't sit and take notes, but maybe jot down in your smartphone a birthday, name of sibling after a conversation," says Dr Yager. The next time you see her, ask about something you touched upon earlier. You want to show that you were really listening — not just smiling and nodding.
Want some ideas for something nice you can do for a friend? Here are stories from 8 women sharing kindest things a friend has done for them.
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