Body positivity in a world that is constantly telling you to weigh less is pretty exhausting stuff. While it’s normal to have an occasional bad body image day, when every day or lots of days are bad body image days, that’s when you really need to make some changes.
For many of the clients I’ve helped over the years, hating their bodies was a daily occurrence and consumed their thoughts; it was getting in the way of self-esteem and happiness. This is not the life you deserve.
Challenge your negative thoughts
We need to have a plan for noticing bad body image thoughts. The first step is to notice the rising feeling within us, then challenge the idea that the thought, like “I’m lazy/ugly/wrong”, is fact. Facts are permanent and true; this is really just a feeling, and feelings are temporary and situation dependent.
You might sense a desire to lose weight, or be sad about your body. When you start to feel your thoughts drift into self-loathing, take note of the negative self-talk pattern and try to identify what made you feel bad about your body. It could be any number of things, such as:
- Someone making a comment about your weight, or failing to comment on your weight if you were hoping they’d notice a change.
- Seeing a photo or video of yourself where you don’t like how you look.
- Catching a glimpse of yourself in the reflection that you don’t consider to be flattering.
- Putting on clothes that feel too tight.
- Seeing a friend, colleague or acquaintance who has recently lost weight.
- Looking at photos of beautiful people while scrolling the internet or flicking through a mag.
Consider what kind act you can do for yourself to help the feeling shift. Personally, I find my mood is almost always improved by moving my body (while listening to my ‘body confidence’ playlist). Rather than assuming your body is the problem and the thing that needs fixing, consider what else may have caused this feeling. Too tight clothes? That’s not your body’s fault, but a garment problem.
Make a conscious choice
I think accepting your body is a choice, a decision you make in spite of what your body really looks like. This isn’t about giving up on how you look or not having pride in your appearance. The aim is to get to a point where the flatness of your stomach doesn’t dictate your self-worth.
I want to be strong and feel comfortable in my body. But I don’t think I could get rid of cellulite on my tush and a protective layer of fat on my stomach without sacrificing my life or getting bogged down in food obsession. This is what I need to accept in order to live a full life.
The magic of self-compassion
You’re already good enough. You know that deep in your bones, right? But there’s also a mean girl (or person) in your head, talking crap about you, things you’d never say to anyone else. Imagine your brain as a radio: when you hear that negative voice, change the channel from self-loathing to self-acceptance, because the latter is way more fun to tune into. Do healthy things, move in a way that’s enjoyable... it’s freeing to know your body doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be healthy.
Get a quick body positivity boost
- You don’t need to love your body, but you can choose to show it some respect, or view it neutrally and accepting that it’ll always be imperfect.
- This isn’t a reflection of your self-worth, because being pretty or thin is the least impressive thing you can do.
- Change your clothes to fit your body; don’t change your body to fit your clothes. Your wardrobe can either support you to feel good in your body or get in the way of your wellbeing. Changing your relationship with clothes may help shift your relationship with your body.
Edited extract from Your Weight is Not the Problem by Lyndi Cohen (Murdoch Books, $32.99).
Newsletter
