Whether someone lives alone or is simply feeling isolated, learning how to be happy in their own company can go a long way toward supporting mental health. Everyone feels lonely from time to time, and building an appreciation for me-time can shift days from just okay to surprisingly enjoyable. At the same time, it is important to remember that it is okay to not feel okay sometimes.
“Being happy in life and with self begins with our choices as adults and how we perceive our contributions to the world,” says psychotherapist Jeff Yoo. Ahead, mental health experts share practical tips for feeling happier alone, how to ask for help when it is needed and what it really means to be alone versus feeling lonely.
Alone vs. lonely
Being alone is a physical state where a person is not in the company of others, while feeling lonely is an emotional state of feeling isolated, regardless of whether someone is physically alone or surrounded by people, explains neuroscience expert Patrick Porter. “One can be alone without feeling lonely, and conversely, one can feel lonely in a crowd,” he says. Understanding this difference is crucial because it shapes how people approach their own mental and emotional wellbeing.
Aloneness can be a neutral state, adds therapist and licensed clinical psychologist BradThomas. “People can be happy being by themselves and there are other times when they desire to be emotionally connected to others,” he says. It is worth keeping an eye on these feelings to understand how often loneliness shows up and how distressing it becomes.
Time spent alone can also be an enriching experience, offering space to learn more about personal values, interests and the world, says psychologist and media researcher Dana Klisanin. “Loneliness can arise when we feel that we have no one to share our experiences with or no one who understands us,” she says. Recognising that distinction can be the first step toward building a life that feels more connected, even during stretches of solitude.
How to be happy alone short-term
In many communities there is still stigma around being alone or feeling lonely, says Thomas. Reframing that story can be powerful. “We can take some of the power away from that stigmatisation and look at it in a healthier way,” he says. Time alone can be an advantage, giving space to focus on personal needs and values. “That is taking the power in your hands and understanding what you desire, independent of other people’s reactions,” Thomas explains.
When it comes to simple things you can start doing right now to feel happier in your own company, experts suggest:
Question the narrative
Start by asking whether you are truly unhappy alone or whether you have absorbed the idea that you should feel unhappy if you are on your own, says Klisanin. “Our narratives define us. If your ‘story’ is not working, you have permission to change it,” she says. Writing down the beliefs you have about being alone and gently challenging them can be a helpful first step.
Take a moment for mindfulness
Spend five to 10 minutes each day practising meditation to centre yourself. Focus on breathing and what you can sense in the present moment, suggests Porter. Klisanin adds that treating solitude as an opportunity rather than a setback can shift perspective and soften feelings of loneliness.
Get active
Even a 20-minute walk outside can lift endorphin levels and boost mood and wellbeing, says Porter. “Avoid sitting for prolonged periods; our research shows that just two hours of sitting can reduce oxygen in the brain by 10%. Make it a point to get up and move around,” he adds. Gentle stretching, housework or dancing to a favourite song all count.
Take a tech break
Schedule pockets of time away from laptops, phones and social media, says Thomas. “Putting away your devices allows you to check in with yourself to see what you desire.” Without constant digital noise it is easier to notice what actually feels enjoyable or restorative.
Engage in creative activities
Creative hobbies can be therapeutic and mentally stimulating, says Porter. Whether it is painting, journalling, gardening or learning to play a musical instrument, a new activity can provide a sense of fulfilment and self-expression, adds Klisanin. Small, regular creative sessions often feel more achievable than big projects.
Get inspired
Short motivational videos or uplifting quotes can provide a quick mood reset, says Porter, so queuing up a favourite podcast or TED Talk can be a simple way to feel more energised and connected.
Practise self-care and grounding
Pamper yourself where you can, whether that means taking a warm bath, stretching before bed or enjoying a favourite healthy snack, says Porter. He also suggests spending time outdoors to help the nervous system unwind, such as walking on grass barefoot or in soft-soled shoes. The aim is to gently discharge excess tension and bring attention back into the body.
How to be happy alone long-term
The more you practise and get into the habit of being alone, the more you understand your own path of self-knowledge and growth, says Thomas. With time, “you will be able to tolerate so much more ambiguity because you know yourself well,” he says. Experts share the habits that help build lasting comfort in your own company.
Build a routine
A stable routine helps your brain recognise patterns, which can make you feel more in control and content, says Porter. “Incorporate a consistent sleep schedule into this routine. Going to bed and waking up at the same time helps regulate your body’s clock and improves your overall wellbeing,” he says.
Set goals
Short or long term, goals give life structure and purpose, says Porter. “Challenge yourself to tackle new things; this keeps your mind sharp and invokes the beginner’s mindset, which is fantastic for discovering happiness,” he says. Break goals into small, doable steps so they feel encouraging rather than overwhelming.
Keep your mind sharp
Learning something new is rewarding and supports brain health, says Porter. “Continuously challenging yourself with new skills not only boosts your self-esteem but also keeps your cognitive abilities in top form,” he says. Think language apps, short online courses or hands-on workshops.
Plan for self-reflection
Set aside regular time for journalling or quiet reflection, focusing on your goals, worries and wins, says Porter. “As part of this, map out a plan that addresses your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health,” he adds. Use this check-in to notice what you need more of and where you can treat your body and mind more kindly.
Tend to relationships
Being happy alone does not mean cutting off connection. Establish and maintain a supportive circle, prioritising quality over quantity, says Porter. Join clubs, classes or community groups that share your interests and values so time with others feels energising, not draining.
Be of service
Volunteering with a community group or charity is a powerful way to feel less alone and build meaningful connections, says Klisanin. “Volunteering to support outdoor or environmental projects is a great way to spend time with others while continuing to nurture one’s relationship with the natural world,” she says. Porter adds that helping others can boost brain function and increase feel-good neurotransmitters.
Focus on slow movement
The fast pace of modern life keeps many of us in a constant state of alert, says Klisanin. Slowing down with activities such as gentle cooking, crafting or gardening can help your body sync back to a calmer rhythm. “Unplug from devices, give your body a break from the constant stream of information,” she suggests.
Practise self-compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a close friend, says Klisanin. “It is OK to have moments of loneliness and sorrow. Remind yourself that just as the clouds obscure the sun and then move on, so too will your feelings,” she says.
Take yourself on a date
Plan small solo outings that feel special, licensed psychologist Jeff Temple suggests. Book a table at a restaurant you have been wanting to try, see a film or visit a gallery. Think of it as a mini holiday from daily responsibilities. Building these dates into your routine helps you intentionally choose time alone and, over time, look forward to your own company.
When to ask for help
It is important to check in with how you feel and recognise when extra support could help. When loneliness starts to affect everyday life—your work, relationships or how you spend your downtime—it is a sign to reach out, says Temple.
If you feel consistently low, struggle to enjoy activities that used to feel good or notice a growing sense of hopelessness, it is time to speak with a mental health professional, says Porter. There are many styles of therapy and different practitioners, so do not be discouraged if the first option does not feel like the right fit, adds Klisanin. Starting with a conversation with a trusted friend or family member can also make it easier to take the next step, Porter suggests.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk of self-harm, call 000 right away. For confidential support, you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or chat online or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or via webchat.
Newsletter
